NEWS

What stale hell is this? These abiders of the norm. They get in people’s way, mess things up, be a general menace. It’s as if they had been a good person in a prior life and karma is running backwards, so they are all slowly getting more rotten with each incarnation. We’re almost there!

We find our messages on how to live a virtuous and happy life where we find them, not where we might expect them and not where we are told we will find them. Take my advice! Take everybody’s advice. Take especially the advice of those who consider you stupid and evil. Take all that advice and put it in a great big pile. Get a good look. Then, well, I don’t really have to say it out loud, do I?

As X-Day approaches, countless False Prophets will arise. How can you identify a False Prophet in the Church of the SubGenius? Oh, there are “tells,” all right, but they might not be what you think. Make sure you’re deceived only by the liars and cheats that you pick out yourself!

It’s not always important to be busy at work, but it’s always important to have the ability to look busy.